If you are looking to become happier in your life it is important to dispel any false beliefs about what it takes to become happy. Below are five happiness myths derived from M.J. Ryan's book, The Happiness Makeover. As you read them, take note of the myths that you believe. Ask yourself, "How is this belief getting in the way of my happiness?"
Myth #1: There is one way to happiness
Often we believe that there is a certain path to happiness. For example, in North America, it is often thought that getting married, having children and buying a house are three events that are essential for happiness. Often we compare ourselves to this recipe of happiness and come up short. If we are single, rent or are childless we feel inadequate.
Ryan recommends finding your own definition of happiness. Take ten minutes to write down the ten most important things you want out of life. Write down both external goals and also values. How can you do more (or have more) of what makes you happy?
Myth #2: The more you have, the happier you are
Our society is very focused on material gain as a path to happiness. The media sells products by making you believe that, the more you have, the happier you will be. Research reveals that having more doesn't guarantee happiness (Ryan, 2005).
Review your happiness list from above. How many of the things that make you happy involve having more? Most likely you'll have things on your list like "spending time with friends," "being in nature," or "being a compassionate human being." Notice that none of things things require much money.
Myth #3: Happiness means all doors will open
We often believe that happiness means that we will get everything we want in life and that life will go smoothly. Ryan puts it like this: "Very few people's lives travel a straight line from a particular dream to fulfillment" (2005, p. 53). If a door has closed in your life it is easy to spend time wishing that it didn't. Focusing on a closed door is a recipe for unhappiness.
If you've recently faced an unexpected closed door, like a job or relationship loss, can you see potentials for new possibility? Make a list of ten things you want to do but haven't done yet. Can you find a way to incorporate new dreams into your life?
Myth #4: Happy people are happy all the time
A common belief is that having a happy life means being happy all the time. Ryan says that, "Our capacity for enthusiasm and vitality is only as deep as our ability to experience vulnerability and loss" (2005, p. 96). Similarly Kahil Gibran says, "The deeper sorrow carves into your being the more joy you can contain." In other words, in order to feel truly happy you must have experienced pain.
Take a moment to reflect on the painful moments of your life. What have they taught you about appreciating life? If you are experiencing pain right now, can you find one positive aspect of your suffering?
Myth #5: Someone is responsible for your happiness.
We often believe that someone else can make us happy, particularly in relationships. We think, "If only she did this for me, then I would be happy." The truth is happiness is an internal process. We chose whether we want to be happy or not. Challenges in life happen to everyone. After a period of grief, we have the choice to rise above and take a positive perspective. Our own ability to feel positive and grateful creates the degree to which we experience happiness.
Make of list of who or what you've been depending on to make you happy. Can you think of ways of changing your attitude or beliefs that would make you happier?
Our beliefs about happiness have the power to bring us closer or farther away from happiness. These five myths teach us about what happiness is or isn't. After reviewing the above exercises, take a moment to look at what is stopping you for being happy now. Take steps to make the internal and external changes to feel happier.
Sources:
Gibran, Kahil. (1976). The Prophet. Knopf: New York.
Ryan, M.J. (2005). The Happiness Makeover. Broadway Books: New York.
Meegan Simpson-Cooke - I live with my partner and step-children on the West Coast. My passion is reading about spirituality, particularly Buddhism. I write about ...
